Weekly Bravo Cocktail Party: February 5th

Guys, it has been a week. I feel like Craig’s hair looked mid Southern Charm reunion. Ruffled, frazzled, dry and tired. I started out in part one of the SC reunion very into Craig’s longer locks and plaid coat, but by the end, he fell apart- I think his hangover had started to set in and Madison was able to claim a firm victory in their verbal sparring. Even Andy interceded and asked why he kept coming after her.

I’d also like to sit down with Hannah and ask her why she keeps coming after Luke, a man who has clearly friend-zoned her. I’m so happy to see the crew of Summer House back together, and I think that living together continuously and not being able to escape during the week is going to do great things for the level of drama. Yippee! Nothing made me happier than seeing the calendar that Lindsay has made for her relationship, the fact that Carl is still wearing tight short shorts and that Kyle is still overdoing it on the self-tanner. This is the pandemic entertainment that we need.

On Dallas and Salt Lake City, Tiffany and Heather continue to have amazing first seasons, while the other ladies seem to be floundering in an extreme lack of self-awareness and repetitive behavior. Let’s see who’s desire to connect with their children by creating product lines for them to endorse is entertaining this week and whose desire to run around the streets with a faux beard hanging from their shorts is just tragic.

Photo by Bravo. Brandi is desperately trying to lighten the mood and bring some fun to the season.

Who Didn’t Make the Guest List:

D’Andra and Kary: I’m bored of their dynamic and it needs to go away before it ruins the whole season. D’Andra is selfish and entitled and Kary is bossy, insecure about money, and kind of a bully. Plus Kary and Kameron’s attack on Tiffany was just plain offensive. Please cut this kind of behavior out, and let’s move on so we can have some fun!

Brandi: I just couldn’t with Brandi’s schtick this week. Yes, she has the sense of humor of a nine year old and likes to joke about sex and body parts but I’m over it. Although, I have to admit that It’s better than arguing with people, so maybe it doesn’t bother me that much? Actually, maybe I should move her to invite list because the more I think about, the more grateful I am that she tried to help them resolve their argument and when she couldn’t, she just moved forward her slapstick jokes and tried to lighten the mood.

Meredith: I’m a firm no on the face mask thing that she was doing and her blazer addiction. Just no. Also, doesn’t she know that when you sign up for Housewives, part of the contract is that you have to forgive your cast mates if they apologize and cry? I can’t handle people who aren’t able to let go of fights like that. Jen is clearly unstable and I get if Meredith chooses to not confide in her, but let’s not get weighed down in little grudges. Also

Craig: Omg Craig’s hair and the yelling at Madison. It was so bad. I loved that they were all whispering about him being drunk and that eventually Andy had to intervene and tell him to zip it. I really wonder what Andy thinks about all of the cast mates of Southern Charm. I feel like you can tell which Housewives he would be friends with off the show, but it’s harder for me to the tell with the charmers, maybe because they’re mostly so much younger.

Austen: He really is a muppet. I do feel kind of guilty about saying that because if he was a woman, complaining about how a man treated them, then maybe I would have more sympathy. On the other hand, think about how terrible the dynamic was between Kathryn and Thomas and we were never subjected to this much wallowing and self-pity.

Photo by Bravo. Heather is finishing up an impeccable first season, But where do we stand with Jen Shah?

Who Made the Guest List:

Leva and Kathryn: Leva handled herself so well in this discussion. She was able to make all of her points and keep her cool, and everyone in the cast acknowledged that she had been right all along and that they needed to appreciate her point of view and acknowledge their privilege. Kathryn is a hot mess and I thought that she was only going to dig herself in deeper with the terrible hair and accusing Leva of using Kathryn’s downfall to make herself look good, but she managed to pull herself back from cliff, admit that she had been wrong and that Leva had been right, and apologize. While she still has a ways to go, I was happy to see her take some baby steps in the right direction and for Leva to get the support she deserved.

Madison: Can we all agree that Madison only dated Austen to get on the show and that she’s thirsty for fame and attention? Okay, great, now that we’ve all acknowledged that and the fact that she’s also pretty mean, I still think that she’s a force to be reckoned with. She won every argument with Craig and Austen, scared Shep into silence, and pretty much dominated the reunion. I’m not sure that I’d want to be friends with her, but she’s very skilled at reality tv and putting whiny men in their place.

Tiffany: The doctor cracked me up this episode, talking about how her ice skating background wasn’t conducive to dirty dancing and how she had no qualms about eating near dead bodies when she was hungry enough. Her family is also adorable and her stress about the choice between time spent on her career and time spent at home is something that so many can identify with.

Heather: I think we were all so happy for Heather’s business success and her grand opening. She deserves it all! Even though her argument with Jen didn’t make total sense, her ability to open up, stand up for herself, and then hug it out was also great.

Mary: She actually left her house this episode! Big steps for Miss Mary. I didn’t love the way she treated her choir, making them applaud her entrance and then criticizing them in very personal ways, but it was great tv, as I assume they’re all adults with the free choice to be there or to quit the choir. I’d invite her to my party just to see if she had any biting things to say to me and then I’d go giggle about it in the corner and wonder how many pairs of fingerless Chanel gloves she really has.

Jen Shah: Guys, where do we stand on Jen? On the one hand, she generates a lot of drama and excitement. On the other hand, she seems like she has a split personality, She’s either screaming at everyone or putting on the demure vibe that she has with her husband. She’s literally a completely different person around Sharief with this baby voice ala Stephanie and Brandi, and at first I thought it was sweet, and then I thought that it was creepy and she acts that way because she’s worried that he’s going to leave her, and then I went back to thinking that maybe that was the real her that she only shows when she’s comfortable. Seeing her put the demure cloak on and wear it to the opening of Beauty Lab was kind of disconcerting-I mean everyone yelled at her and she just took it and apologized and looked sort of frozen? I can’t tell which one is the real her or if they both are? I would love to know what everyone else thinks!