I have a lot of questions after watching my Bravo this week. Usually I can find some overarching themes between the franchises, or I have ongoing issues with people that I want to unpack, but this week it seemed like people I like were self-destructing left and right, and I think I had raised eyebrows and a vague “whyyyyy?!” expression on my face for most of these episodes. What was up with Brandi and D’Andra on Real Housewives of Dallas? Why, why, why would Lindsay sleep with Luke on Summer House? Does Jackie want to get kicked off Real Housewives of New Jersey? How did Jennifer drink that much in that short a time? Where does everyone in New Jersey go to workout??? Seriously-does anyone know who Teresa’s trainer is?

Who Didn’t Make the Guest List:

Jackie: I think Jackie made a grave tactical error in not coming to Teresa’s pool party on Real Housewives of New Jersey. Including Jackie in a group text invite to a party at her house was the closest that Teresa was ever going to come to apologizing and if Jackie had been able to realize how big a step that was for Teresa, she might not have told her to stick it up her ass, and then they might have been able to move forward. Instead, we’re stuck with this fight for the indefinite future and Jackie only got 10 seconds of airtime in this episode.

Jennifer: Agh poor Jennifer! She was so excited for a night away from her extremely needy children that she overshot the mark, took too many shots too quickly and ended up being carried out of the party by a lot of very muscle-y New Jersey men, plus her husband. I feel bad for whoever had to clean up that Porsche.

Brandi: Oh dear, I feel like I’m constantly harping on Brandi this season, which is a new experience for me because I usually think of her as a harmless goof and I always loved her friendship with Stephanie and took her side against LeAnn. However, this season has not been a good look for her. She finally made things right with Tiffany which was a step in the right direction. But then Brandi took a sharp right turn at the birthday dinner and started criticizing D’Andra’s faith, saying that she wasn’t a good Christian because she likes to meditate with a guru/hairdresser and wave sage around her house. This was a serious error in judgement on Brandi’s part, both for her part on the show and her friendship with D’Andra. If she thought it was lame to wear matching white kaftans and have roses scattered around her, then that is absolutely her prerogative, but to jump from that to saying that D’Andra is being led astray from the teachings of the church is a big leap. Critiquing a friend’s religion or parenting style or marriage is one of those things that is just not a smart idea and never ends well.

D’Andra and Mama Dee: Speaking of Ms. D”Andra, wow did she lose it with her mother when Mama Dee said that D’Andra only changed her last name because her stepfather’s last name would get her farther in life! Why would Mama Dee go there? D’Andra had been able to let go of what Brandi criticizing her so that she didn’t ruin Tiffany’s birthday party with a fight, but then D’Andra had about 300 shots and lost it with her mother, undoing all of the good rising above the fray that she had done before. I also don’t know why Mama Dee would say that because there was certainly no need to. It seemed like she was deliberately trying to embarrass her daughter. But it didn’t look great on D’Andra to be very drunk and yelling at her 80 year old mother either. Eesh.

Luke: I think that all he did this episode of Summer House was to complain and half-heartedly strum on his guitar while sitting on the front steps and bungling the words to his own song. Oh wait-he also took a few minutes to flirt with Lindsay. I really do not get this guy. If anyone is attracted to him, I would love to hear why-please enlighten me on his appeal because I’m just not seeing it.

Who Made the Guest List:

The Ladies of New Jersey: I mean, wow! The ladies of RHONJ did not slack off on their workouts during quarantine. They all looked amazing in those bathing suits and I was very impressed.

The Husbands of New Jersey: I could watch a show where the husbands of RHONJ sit around at parties and have a running commentary on whatever’s going on. It would be like that show that my brother used to watch where the guy and the robot are watching sci-fi movies and critiquing them the whole time. Instead of Mystery Science Theater 3000 it would be Muscle-y New Jersey Husbands with Meatballs 2021.

Kary and Hannah: After weeks of bad behavior, I want to give them a shout-out for really turning things around this week! Kary did a great job on “planning” that party for Tiffany and finally letting her feel the love on RHOD, and Hannah managed to patch things up with Kyle and bring us a juicy scoop on Luke and Lindsay on Summer House.

Carl and Paige: I’m very into their flirty banter this summer. Do you think there’s any hope for them as a couple?

Danielle: I’ve really been enjoying her outfits and her commentary on Summer House this season and I’m happy for her that she’s branching out and getting interested in someone romantically.

Dolores: I think everyone agrees that she’s too good for David and that it’s time to move on. She seems like the most amazing partner and I want better for her.

Marge’s Ghostwriter: It looks like her ghostwriter is going to be performing double duty as a therapist and I admire her for taking on all those roles at once. I think Margaret has a lot to unpack for this book.

Teresa and Joe Gorga: Between Teresa talking about pineapple and how much she wants to get it on with anyone and Joe constantly trying to hit on his own wife, these two were making me laugh in a really immature way. It was so awkward but also strangely entertaining.