This week, I was very underwhelmed by my Bravo shows until we got to Thursday. I feel bad admitting that because I know that the ladies of the Real Housewives Dallas did their best to entertain me with a Luxe Luau that had Tiffany fire dancing and Kameron doing the hula. On Real Housewives of New Jersey Teresa even brought vibrators to a party and Jackie reminded us all that Teresa has done time in prison. Yet somehow, that all fell flat to me and the highlight of my week was a very drunk, very orange Kyle just losing his mind at Luke. Summer House is just really bringing it this season!

I also need to discuss the ongoing March Madness of Bravo men that Two Judgey Girls is hosting on Instagram. It’s so exciting that my two favorite Bravo men are in the finals: Carl Radke from Summer House vs Craig Conover from Southern Charm. I can’t even vote because it’s too hard for me to choose between these dreamboats, but I’m waiting in deep suspense to see which of my Bravo boyfriends is crowned the winner!

Who Didn’t Make the Guest List:

Luke: When Carl said that Luke is in the place where Carl was last year, where he can’t own his truth, it rang so true to me. Luke is having a terrible season because he’s angry at Hannah and Ciara for not being interested in him and how they’ve been treating him, but he can’t admit that to himself or anyone else. I do feel bad for him that he’s on the outs with most of the house, and I do think Hannah has created a very negative narrative around him that he didn’t totally deserve (she also needs to accept some of the blame), but I’m also fully with Paige when she yelled out that he’s not who he’s and she’s been saying that since she met him. As we’ve seen with Carl this season, it’s possible to really change if you can get honest with yourself, and I’m hoping that Luke gets there too.

Stephanie: So, we finally had a little bit of Stephanie in this episode but it was just for the unveiling of the locker rooms that they donated to a high school. Don’t get me wrong, it was a great project and she and Travis are very generous for doing that, but it was seemed very scripted. Stephanie has been totally checked out of the drama this season and barely seems to speak when the group gets together. Has anyone else noticed that? I’m wondering if the rumors that I’ve heard about she and Travis owning part of the production company and being able to give themselves a good edit are true (also making it impossible to fire her) or if she was dealing with depression during the season, as we know she has in the past, and that caused her to be disengaged from the show.

Kameron: I can’t decide if I love or hate the fact that Kameron claims to have never seen a bill in her entire life. It’s bad for feminism but it’s good for tv, so does that make it a wash?

Hannah: Her constant harping on Luke just feels petty at this point. She’s moved on and her desire to turn everyone in the house against him needs to end.

Brandi: She is just not having a good season.

Who Made the Guest List:

D’Andra: I’m glad that she made up with Mama Dee and that she’s sharing all the juicy family drama with us. D’Andra isn’t perfect, but she’s been consistently bringing us good stuff this season and I appreciate the heavy lifting that she’s doing to give us some drama. She’s managed to have some real family drama (wills! name-changing! wigs!) plus big fights with Kary and with Brandi and a shaman all in one season. Impressive.

Tiffany’s Mom: Was her easy acceptance of Tiffany’s choice to dial back her work schedule genuine or all for television? I don’t know but I was happy to watch and for Tiffany to get that validation.

Kary: Why was she hiking in a dress? I’m still not sure about that, but I thought she had a sweet conversation with h:er daughters on the hike. I also loved that she brought a tequila infused pineapple to Tiffany’s party-yum! And her grasp of the Nine Commandments was pretty awesome.

Amanda and Kyle: They have made huge leaps this season from being a not great couple to being super sweet and funny together (although I am a smidge worried about the amount of drunk that Kyle seems to be this summer). I honestly don’t understand why he started yelling so much at Luke (I’m guessing it was…alcohol?), but the scene at the end of the pub crawl, where he’s way too tan and his blond hair and crazy eyes are popping and Amanda’s holding him back from going after Luke by pulling on his bathing suit and exposing his tan line, made me laugh out loud.

Carl: Amish Carl is the best Carl yet!

Doris: Could she be a new cast member on Summer House?

………..

I just finished my recap and realized that I had said nothing about RHONJ. I guess that’s a sign? I love the husbands of New Jersey, and if I think back on the episode, my favorite part is probably when Frank Catania was pretending that he had no memory of anything that was said at boys night, in an effort to protect Joe and not give Teresa any ammo. I’m honestly having a hard time remembering anything else that happened in this episode beside Teresa bringing the vibrators and Jackie and Teresa fighting, but that all seems kind of overdone to me.